I'm doing this for me!

One of my favorite work out songs is Eminem's Not Afraid because I identify with it so much.  Eminem's problems are/were drugs and alcohol, mine is food and exercise.  So as I'm running on the treadmill, I totally feel the lyrics "When I say I'm gonna do something, I do it, I don't give a damn what you think I'm doing this for me."  The road to losing weight is not an easy one and I appreciate coaching and support.  I have a Weight Watchers leader D, my weekly meeting buddy L, my friends from boot camp, several trainers between boot camp and the gym and I've basically started this blog as virtual support... however, I'm doing this for me... "I'm going to be what I set out to be without a doubt undoubtedly". 

I've tried losing weight for reasons outside of me before and it hasn't taken.  I've tried to do it quickly  or in a way that was unsustainable past the initial 6 months.  This time, I've taken over 14 months to lose 87.8 lbs (only 13.6 more to go!) and I have worked out relentlessly.  On most days the idea of hitting goal excites me and I believe that my fall back food choices will continue to be those that I've made over the last year and that my default position to working out is fully switched from not doing it to just do it.   However, a part of me is also scared to death of maintenance and thinks that this has been a temporary phase and that I will hit something that will send me high tailing it back to the choices and habits that got me to the unhealthy point where I needed to lose so much weight.  That's why I'm trying to include people in my journey, people who will help yank me back from the brink if I need it.  But no one can do this for me but me.  Nobody else is going to hand me fruit and vegetables, or lace up my running shoes, or put one foot in front of the other on the tread mill and if they did I'd probably kick them for trying to do it for me. 

And while people have helped me get to where I am, the quickest way to earn my resentment is for them to take credit for my success because nobody cooks for me, nobody sets my alarm clock for morning workouts and nobody pays for my boot camp or gym memberships (been a while since anybody has done this but it has happened).  However, by the same token I don't get to blame anybody for my issues or lack of success.  I am insulin resistant as a trait of my PolyCystic Ovary Syndorme, I don't get to blame anybody for that even if it means my metabolism is not normal.  I have had a tendency to eat my emotions especially stress, I don't get to blame anybody for that.  I choose fast, easy, cheap high caloric food (like a lot of Americans) and haven't always thought of the consequences, I don't get to blame anybody for that. 

As Bob on the Biggest Loser said last night "the only person standing in the way of your success is you." 

We had a conversation about working out at work yesterday where people were offering up excuses for not doing it.  And I just reminded myself that I can't return to a place where I offer them up anymore.  Then last night at the gym as I was lacing up my running shoes to run on the treadmill after pilates, there was someone taking a tour of the gym.  She was overweight and was telling the woman giving the tour, well I don't know about cycling classes becaue they'd be so hard, I would do a boot camp class but I can't do a pushup and I don't know about yoga because it would be so boring what do you do just lie around?  Its times like this that I sometimes wish I could wear a sign that said, I used to be a whole lot heavier so I could feel like the person would take was I was about to tell them seriously.  I nicely explained that you start any class at your level, its not about being the best and doing it all right from the first day.  If you can't do a push up the first day, its something to work toward (side note I've been working out regulary for 10 months and I still struggle with pushups!).  I also pointed out the best cycling class for beginners and explained what was involved in a yoga and pilates class.  I have no idea if she'll join my gym or any other gym, but I hope for her own sake she stops making excuses because truly the only person standing between her and her success is herself.  And I hope I never hear those excuses come out of my mouth although I'm sure they have at some point.  And honestly if you're reading this and have been making excuses, this is not meant to be a condemnation as I've definitely done it.  I'm just trying to put into words my honest fear that I will return to doing so when I've done an excellent job at not allowing it for over a year.  And that I need to remember the only person responsible for my success (or failure) is me and that I need to choose success. (And the same is true for you!)

So on to the more boring part of this post, but I'm posting for workout accountability so let me give a brief synopsis of the last two weeks of workouts.
On Saturday, February 26th, I ran the Al Gordon 4 mile race in Brooklyn in just over 43 minutes improving my time from 3 weeks earlier by 2 minutes and 24 seconds.  I hope that my four mile race at the end of March will see a similar improvement!  :)

I completed boot camp last week with my last classes there for a while.  I will miss my friends greatly, but I feel kind of like I'm graduating.  I needed the structure of boot camp when I started to keep me motivated and going, but I've reached a place where I don't need that structure anymore and need the challenge that new workouts will provide.  Much like the suggestions you hear that starting out with a workout buddy helps to get you going, I needed boot camp to start me out.  However, I've found that I really miss exercise when I don't do it now so I will go even without my exercise buddies.

I've really gotten into my cycling classes at the gym.  The instructor is great, is actually a competitive cyclist so I feel like I'm really learning from someone who knows what they're talking about.  Maybe when I get this whole half-marathon thing done I'll look for a sprint triathlon to take on next!  I also have found they greatly improve my running especially on hills.  During the race a few weeks ago on one hill, I just thought of being on the spin bike and pulling my knees up with each stride.  It helped both mentally and got me to engage my glutes more making it easier physically.

I've also kept with some yoga and some pilates for the benefits each provide.  I love the mind body connection of yoga even if I don't quite have it mastered and I definitely still need a lot of work on my flexibility.  I love pilates for the core workout and because it tends to workout all the little connector muscles that other workouts don't focus on.  I honestly didn't know what a piraformis was before Pilates but sure can feel the difference of having strengthened it when I run.

And I ran a little over 3 miles last night.  So all in all, my activity level is feeling pretty successful!  Today is an off day for me, and my plan for the rest of the week is to run 3.5 miles tomorrow morning, go to cycle/kettle bell on Friday morning do a 5 mile run on Saturday and attend yoga on Sunday.

So in closing, do this for you!  You're the only person standing in the way of your own success... and I'm going to remind myself that I will do what I set out to do.